The Mad Woman aka Lazy Cow

The Mad Woman has come up with some time saving ideas when it comes to my health and well-being as she feels she needs to dedicate more time to her own happiness. She says she's had enough of giving to others, that it is now time to give to herself. She says she is about to embark on a journey. A journey of enrichment. What kind of enrichment you ask? Apparently she thinks her life is lacking in both the entertainment and mind/body areas. She has declared that she will start watching foreign films as she believes the simple act of reading subtitles while following a movie makes you smarter. She says she will also immerse herself into the thought provoking world of documentaries (or cinéma-vérité, as she calls them). Then, in the evenings, she will spend hours doing restorative yoga poses.

What does this all really mean? I'll tell you. The Mad Woman will "journey" as far as the couch where she'll sit on her arse watching those silly Brits congregate in their local pub on the telly, followed by a 30 second mountain pose and an hour of meditating (ie sleeping). Yup, real enriching.

In the meantime,Nutmeg and I will suffer. One of the Mad Woman's time saving ideas? Vacuuming our cage instead of picking up each poop individually. Can you believe it? Vacuuming! With Nutmeg and I still in the cage! Give me a freakin' heart attack why don't you? How would she like it if a fighter jet zoomed over her head during her "meditation"?

She no longer lovingly chops our food. Food gets tossed in willy-nilly as if we are nothing more than horrible, fat, ugly hogs with a messy, sloppy trough. Our cage used to be immaculate. And now there is food and poop and hay everywhere. Standards are slipping I tell you. And, to make matters worse, as we sit in filth we are tortured by the drone of the wretched cornet as the Coronation Street theme song seems to play endlessly.

Oh, she'll get no joy from us anymore, I promise you that! Our cute popcorn moves will be displayed only under the cover of darkness. The Mad Woman will no longer hear wheeking or squeaking or any other adorable piggie sound. We will shut her out until she sees the error of her ways and once again becomes the overbearing, coddling, piggie loving freak that she once was.

I never thought I'd say this but I miss the Mad Woman's high-pitched, verging on hysteria declarations of love for us.

But I must have faith. This new, selfish journey of hers is a passing fancy ... our furry cuteness will draw her back to us ... I will, once again, hear delighted shrieks of "Oh my furry ittle wittle boo-boos, come to mama.". And when I do, I will blog about what an irritating woman the old bat is and all will be right with the world.